I don’t turn directly to the obituaries in the paper each morning..but I do tend to linger over them longer than I used to; probably because I’m astounded at the growing number of people younger than me who have met their demise.
You can learn a lot about people in the obituaries..or very little..depending on how much money the surviving families are willing to shell out for the paper to print the long version of their lost loved one’s life history.
Occasionally, there are people with the same last name appearing in the obits which usually means some sort of tragic accident has occurred. But when I saw this in last Friday’s Argus it appeared as if John and Bernita Shurr..both 95 and having spent 73 years of their life together, died because they just couldn’t go on living without each other.
Throughout his long life, John Shurr was proud of his Irish ancestry and loved the fact that he was born on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th, 1918. He probably was also proud of being the heir apparent to Lone Tree, the farm homesteaded by his grandparents, near Ellsworth, Minnesota..although he may have been considering another career when after high school he enrolled in Mankato State College. It was there he met and fell in love with fellow student, Bernita Bell who was born on a farm near Walnut Grove, Minnesota about 60 miles Northeast of John also in 1918. They were married in 1940 and moved to a small house on the homestead where John continued working while he sorted out his future and Bernita continued a family tradition of teaching school that went back five generations. When World War II broke out, John wasn’t called up because as the only son, he was needed at the farm. Then in 1943, his father died suddenly..leaving no choice about what John’s lot in life would be. So, for the next 69 years he and Bernita ruled the roost that was..and is.. the Shurr family farm called “Lone Tree.”
They had two sons, George and Robert, became actively involved in their church and community, read profusely, and were loved and admired by family and friends.
When tough decisions had to be made about moving into assisted living..then to an Ellsworth nursing home, John and Bernita accepted it gracefully as long as they could be together.
Dying a week apart, then, wasn’t all that unusual.
Still, I thought, there might be something more to their story so I took a chance this past week and gave the Shurr’s son, George a call and discovered that yes, of course, there’s always more.
By all accounts, John Shurr did well in his 91 years at Lone Tree. He was a good farmer who worked hard and played hard too..especially baseball and softball in his younger days. George says his dad was a quiet, friendly and humble man who loved studying and talking about history, philosophy, religion and, of course sports..especially his beloved Minnesota Twins and Vikings.
That’s John and Bernita Shurr on the right at the wedding of their son, George to his wife Margaret in 1965
“Mom, on the other hand, was one of the first ‘women’s libbers’. She was one of the first to take up the cause of fairness for Native Americans. Her intellectual curiosity was insatiable.” George said. “She was always reading up and taking a stand on various social issues including opposition to the Vietnam War when U.S. involvement began growing during the Johnson administration.”
John and Bernita had personal reasons for concern. Their son, Robert was high on the draft list so he chose to enlist in the U.S. Army. That was in 1969.
On April 13th 1970, Specialist 6 Robert J. Shurr was killed instantly by an enemy grenade in Quang Tri Province, South Vietnam. He was 24.
- Robert J. Shurr
When the news reached Lone Tree farm, Bernita was inconsolable suffering from a mixture of devastation and rage. “Eventually, George says, Dad came around to dealing with Bob’s death but I don’t think Mom ever did and, all her life, has continued to bend politician’s ears about war and other government pursuits she didn’t agree with. She really had high hopes for President Obama.”
“They’ve tried to make the best out of being off the farm and having to live in a home,” George told me. “Mom was still plenty feisty,” but when dad’s hearing aids went bad, she became frustrated when he couldn’t be her sounding board about things she’d read or was thinking and she started to drift into dementia. But she seemed to perk up some once he got the repaired hearing aids back.”
John and Bernita with two of their great grandchildren.
King and Queen of Valentine’s Day at Parkview Manor 2012
This past Christmas with son George who along with his wife Margaret have been faithful visitors and helpers at the home taking care of mom and dad.
Both John and Bernita were pretty good at Christmas but after the first of the year, it was clear that time was running out. And, so it did for John on the 14th.
I don’t know what..if anything..was said as she held his hand at the end. I would imagine they’d talked about this very moment before. I’d like to think it was something like, “Wait for me dear, I’ll be right behind you.”
Because it was going to take awhile for all the family members to get home, John’s funeral was delayed. As it turns out, that was meant to be because 8 days later, Bernita joined him on the other side.
They’ll be laid to rest together following a 2:30 p.m. service on Friday January 31st at the Jurrens Funeral Home in Rock Rapids, Iowa.
I was curious about whether or not it was possible that Bernita just decided she didn’t wish to live on without John and let go. Their son, George believes it to be true.
I thought I’d ask someone who might not be so emotionally invested in the issue so I talked with Mike Werner the longtime administrator of Parkview Manor. He basically said the science says no but the romantic in him says sure..why not?
He did say this though: “Doug, did you happen to count the days both John and Bernita actually lived on this earth? They’re EXACTLY the same 95 years 9 months and 28 days. Now what are the odds of that? That seems a little beyond coincidence doesn’t it?”
30 Responses
I read their story too. Thanks for the final chapter to close a wonderful book of life and love.
A wonderful tribute and I do believe that she “chose” to join him. I guess I want to believe it was choice and not coincidence.
Great article, Doug! I read those obits (I’m an undertaker’s daughter- it’s an old habit) and thought how unusual and how sweet it was. My in-laws died 3 months apart and I think he just missed her too much…
This blog is one of your best. Well done! Well done indeed!
My in-laws died 30 days apart; Just before my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law said “wait for me”……it was powerful! They had 53 years of a day-to-day partnership…(farmers also)….and only right they would meet so soon in heaven.
What a beautiful love story. Some folks might think it’s macabre, but I enjoy reading obituaries, because they’re history lessons right here in our home towns. Maybe the events weren’t life shattering, maybe they were, but they were the events in one person’s life, and it’s always good to read about them. Thank you, Doug.
Great digging, Doug. Obits never tell the whole story.
It was a very good story! I will always miss them! I was proud to be the Great granddaughter of such a nice happy couple!
Thank you so much for sharing more of my grandparents’ story. This is a great way to begin their celebration of life this weekend and definitely lifts our heavy hearts. Thank you!!
What an incredible love story of these two people…I think she went to be with him for eternity….Great story Doug!!
Thank you Doug for sharing this story!
Doug, what a beautiful tribute. If John and Bernita has been my parents, I would have felt honored to have you share their story so well. Thanks for a beautiful read!
Doug,thank you for sharing this beautiful story . A lovely couple from Milbank have a similar story. Mrs. Webb died on January 17 and Mr. Webb on January 28. They had been married 74 years!
Nicely done, Doug!
Thanks so much for sharing–seeing this obit made me curious as to their story…what a wonderful story and by you sharing, there was so much more revealed. What a wonderful family and parents that anyone would have been so lucky to have!
Excellent. Suitable for Hemmingson or you to go do the video and submit to the CBS network for inclusion as the human interest story.
What a great love story. You always write such interesting articles,
and I look forward to each and every one. This one was so touching. I am sure their family members appreciate you telling their story!
We appreciate the sensitive way that you told our parents’ story. Thanks, Doug.
John and Bernita were dear friends of my husband’s grandparents. Both were always soft spoken and caring. The place I saw them the most before they went to the home was the local library. They always had warm smiles for me and my children. I know they will be greatly missed by our family. What a wonderful tribute you had!
Thanks Doug. I always appreciate your stories and this one of love, devotion and family rings true. A special couple to be sure and a great reminder of everlasting love.
I loved John and Bernita. They were the best neighbors anyone could ever have. They were a loving couple. The timing of their deaths makes this even more of a romantic story.
This is so amazing. Something like that happened to our family last October. My dad died on Oct. 2 and nine days later his lady friend of 30 years died. Everyone said they couldn’t get along without each other.
What a wonderful tribute to a beautiful family! Thank you so much!
Thanks for the awesome story! It’s very touching when you here people stayed together for so long. People give up to easy now days during tough times. I knew a couple when I was a small child and when they died a couple of weeks apart I didn’t understand until I got older that the second one probably died of a broken heart. Too much stress I suppose. I had never forgotten them for some reason and I’m 52 now. Sometimes on a nice day while on a walk, I will go through old parts of a cemetery and read names and dates and wonder who they were and their stories.
What a wonderful love story.
What a story, SO glad you made the call. Love you and your writing more than ever : )
Thanks for following this up. I, too, read the obits and figured this was a special story. With so much negative news, it is refreshing to be reminded of love, commitment, and the human spirit, all the way to the end of life’s journey.
Like I said, this is one of your best ever……But, the evil side of me begs the question…..What if he finally thought he had a chance to slip away for a few cocktails and having no one to tell him to turn the tv down!
Thank you for writing this lovely piece the the Shurr couple. She graduated from Walnut Grove, MN. I have been working here at the Museum since 2000 and enjoy the part of my job where I keep track of the families of Walnut Grove. This real love story inspires me. Prayers and sympathy to the family.
You have captured the personalities of these two remarkable individuals. My husband and I met them many years ago as they were long time customers in our meat market. We had many talks about current affairs during the course of doing business and witnessed their grief when they lost their son in the Viet Nam War. Though they bravely continued on, it was obvious they never got over their grief. Thank you for telling their story. It was beautifully done.