Knowing my predisposed propensity for being a clumsy oaf, especially as I grow older and wider, I should not be at all surprised that a relationship which began a year and a half ago and has grown from awkward curiosity to an indispensable part of my daily life, has come to a crashing halt; shattered before my very eyes and I’m sick about it.
My smart phone has taken a three foot dive onto the pavement..leaving the glass screen looking like a tarantula’s living room.
My screen..like my heart..is broken.
I was a bit tardy getting to my recording session at Keloland Tuesday and, instead of safely tucking the phone in my coat or pants pocket, I slipped it into that open-ended hand warming pouch stitched to the front of all 100 hooded sweatshirts I own. (I live under the delusion that these somehow masquerade my massive girth..hence most are dark colored which we all know further fools people into thinking what a slim fella I am.) I have made this mistake before but always lucked out when the phone would fall out harmlessly onto the carpeted car floor. Not this time, though. It apparently got hung up on my Keloland parka and waited till I made the trip to a full stand before tumbling in slow motion to the asphalt below, landing on its back with a sickening splat. I looked down to see fingers of broken glass spreading across the screen like a June lightening storm on the South Dakota prairie.
Again, I wonder what words a minister or real Christian utters at such times as these.
I’m afraid that in spite of my promises to the Almighty to mind my mouth and my temper, the Ralphie Parker hubcap incident from “A Christmas Story” becomes reality for this old hypocrite at times like these and the “Oh Fudge” slips out because nothing else seems to express a feeling so accurately or satisfy so completely. (How could you be so stupid? Fudge. This screw-up will likely cost a week’s worth of groceries to make right. Fudge. Why were you too cheap to take out the insurance? Fudge.)
So, now I’m discovering that..based on the number of smart phone repair places I see on line, it’s apparent I’m not the only klutz in town. The thing is, none quote a price for replacing the glass screen which, as far as I can tell, is the only thing damaged to my Droid Razr.
Leave a comment if you have any recommendations.
February.
Nearly half gone already. I used to like February because it’s a short month and winter couldn’t end fast enough. Now, I’m not so sure. Time is on a fast track for some reason and I wouldn’t mind putting on the brakes a bit.
February also reminds me of the running friendly argument between Hemmingsen and me over the correct pronunciation of the month. He apparently had it drilled into his head at the Brown School of Broadcasting that it is pronounced as it’s spelled Feb-roo-ary. I prefer to pronounce it like most of the people in the world.. who don’t have a pretentious stick up their bum.. do. Feb-You-ary. I would even bring out Webster’s to prove that both pronunciations were acceptable and he would counter with, “Well, Webster just caved to pressure from the ignorant masses.” I tried to point out all the other words that don’t include the “r” sound in their spelling like surprise or governor. I reminded him that his Holiness, Walter Cronkite, pronounces it Feb-you-ary.
So, after building such a convincing case, my friend Steve Hemmingsen changed his mind right??
STEVE: “Most people say Nuke-you-ler instead of Nuke-lee-r are you gonna cave on that too? How about Eye-rack instead of Ear-rock..how about Real-ah-tor instead of Real-tor. Where do you draw the line?”
Nah, Hemmingsen will never change..nor would any of us who know and love the big lug want him to.
I think the only real reason he preferred the old English pronunciation was because it’s too difficult for the rest of us to spit out.
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skUfQYr47QQ[/youtube]
15 Responses
Good stuff. I can pronounce April, May, June and Huly.
My pet peeve is when people pronounce grocery incorrectly, according to my estimation. I say groSIRy. Others say groSUREy. Bugs me. I am a FebYOUary person.
The cell phone guy on 41st street – in the same strip mall as Fire House Subs fixes glass. I think its around $100?
The Cell Phone Guy
3506 West 41st Street, Sioux Falls, SD 57015
(605) 335-0411
A lot of people in this fine state live in South Dakoda. There is concern about rual health care.
I’ll omit it’s invanerial to me!!
Do you also say li-bary because it’s easier to elide and then add that extra “R” to Jewel-er-ry?
As we once discussed, I believe you subscribe to Daniel Webster’s devilish dictionary (mythical) as opposed to Noah Webster’s real dictionary.
As for the aforementioned bum, no pretentious stick, but a hell of a lot of medical equipment in the past year. “Prostrate”, you know. Whoops. Take out that middle “r”. Easier to pronounce.
Get an Otter Box for your phone.
you can order replacement glass kits from amazon for around $15 and they are really easy to replace. There are tutorials on youtube that are very helpful.
I’m with Hemmingson. After having an english teacher mother drill proper pronunciation in my head; Jewel-er-ry drives me crazy. Also “prostrate”. I even had a teacher who pronounced Yosemite as Yose-mite.
I just grit my teeth & smile…
Flustrate – instead of fluster or frustrate – makes my cringe.
And let’s not forget a couple of my memorable high school practice teachers, as we called them in them days, wannabe coaches who had to teach, as well.
Be “pacific.” Or maybe he was just ahead of his time on the Vietnam peace movement in which, incidentally, peace marches became “moratoriums.”
And there was the budding science teacher and his “ingenious” rocks. I think he meant igneous, but what the hell, I was half asleep anyway and it did momentarily capture my attention.
I tend to make light of people who mis-pronounce words. I myself have gone to Ft. Sisseton to see the “Calvary” parade across the grounds! When I was little we would fill the “Banure Spreader” from the barn gutter! We had a neighbor lady we called “Burginia” – not Virginia! There was a back-hoe operator out “West of the River” that went to the bank for a loan to repair his equipment. He came back stepping on his lip and said, ” I didn’t get the loan because I didn’t have enough “Cholesterol”! Then, there was an old timer that figured he needed a new “Cadillac Converter ” for his Chevy car! Stu Surma
I fear that I’m an old crotchety language nazi. Pronunciation of “the” (thee vs. thuh) is one of my triggers.
When I hear “It’s 10 minutes before ‘thuh’ hour” (instead of “thee” hour) my neck hairs stand up involuntarily. Blame the good Domincan sisters at Cathedral Junior High for drilling that one in. “The” is pronounced “thee” when used before a word starting with a vowel sound, in this hour sounds like “our”.
I really want to share my wisdom with Casey on that but my wife assures me that she’ll continue her otherwise outstanding work without my input on that trivial issue. I reserve the right to pout about it though.
OH my don’t chime in too often or is it ofen…. my favorite ding is the anyways comment… since when was there ever a plural written form to this word anyway. IT is both singular and plural. oh my…
After I “warshed” my car I relaxed with a nice cold Summer “Shanty”.