Did you ever think when the hearse rolls by
That you might be the next one to die?
They wrap you up in a clean white sheet
And bury you down about six feet deep.
The worms crawl in the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout.
They eat your clothes they eat your hat
They crawl in skinny and crawl out fat
The last time I sang that song was when I was about 12 or 13 years old sitting around an evening bonfire at Boy Scout camp. We all laughed at the words just like we all pretended to be scared when the counselor, with a flashlight held under his chin, told the obligatory ghost story in the glow of the fading campfire. Oh, I admit I may have jumped a little when he looked at me and screamed “You stole my golden arm!” And, maybe I did have a little trouble falling asleep in our tent that night thinking about worms crawling in and out and ghosts looking for missing limbs. But isn’t that what scout camp is all about..to make men out of little boys by scaring the snot out of them?
I was reminded of that experience recently when my cousin Grouse and I were sitting around having a couple glasses of his favorite boxed wine. Somehow the conversation turned kinda morbid..important but morbid. “Have you decided where you’re going to be buried when you die?” I asked.
“Of course, he said, the cemetery in Volga. Haven’t you and Linda made arrangements for a plot someplace? “No. The few times we’ve talked about it ended in kind of a standoff followed by silence.” My brother is talking about being cremated. I’ve spent my whole life hoping to avoid the burning fires of Hell..I certainly don’t want the funeral director to jump start the process. This chardonnay in a box isn’t half bad..what vintage is it?” “The middle of last month,” Grouse said with a laugh. “I dunno, he said, maybe being cremated isn’t a bad idea. Better than being planted like a petunia. Those caskets eventually leak..you know and then you’re nothing but a feast for the night crawlers.”
“I was thinking about being buried above ground in a mausoleum like they have over at Hills of Rest. That’s what our friend Alona plans to do.”I said.
“Yeah, but isn’t that awfully expensive?” said my cousin as he headed back to the refrigerator to unscrew the dispenser on the bladder of wine inside.
“I suppose so, I would just rather not have to think about any of this stuff, you know?”
“Well, said Grouse, you don’t what to leave these tough eternal decisions for your kids to have to figure out do you?”
“No, I guess not.”
“If I were you, he said with the confidence that only a fine boxed white wine can provide, I’d get it done as soon as possible and have it over with. Oh, and be sure to include that decision in your will.”
“Will??”
5 Responses
As I go to more and more funerals all the time, I am glad that I have my stuff ready. I had a stone made in the middle 1990’s, guess I should have told my kids. It is right by the road south of Harrisburg, and one of them drove right by………………..Reprimanded for that one, but I did not think I would ever marry again and wanted things done so the kids did not have to……………….Great story, and nice fill in stuff the your relate.
Many times we try to prolong the inevitable but death is the one thing that eventually finds us, some sooner then others. We were basically prepared because of my husbands military career. It takes the stress off of those who remain to care for our wishes. After all, by that time, it won’t matter to us because we will have moved on to a better place.
I so agree with Grouse. End of life decisions are tough to face. We think we have lots of time to get our house in order. I like the Living Trust especially with a blended family, but as a retired RN, a must is doing a medical directive so you can make it clear how you want the end to be. Children should not be burdened with that responsibility. You are right, I do not want to go into the ground. It is cold, dark, and wet. Bugs have never been my friend. Now I think cremation may be the way to go but Hills of Rest is still my choice. I love the shelves in the chapel where the soft music plays and it is nice and warm. They can always put the remains of my cremated cat Heidi’s urn there with me. Perfect !!!
As for the will, orderly is much better for the survivors than disorderly. I have much experience.
Be nice to your children for they pick your nursing home. Be nice to your nieces and nephews for they’re the ones who smuggle alcohol into your nursing home.
Whatever else you do, if you love your children you will have made out a will – even if you’ve nothing to leave – and completed a document stating your final wishes as to what type of care you wish when the end is approaching. It is really nice if you can also have something that tells what your wishes are for your funeral and burial/cremation. The more you have written down the fewer changes your survivors can make. As with Mr. Hemmingsen, I have much experience in such matters. I honestly don’t think my mother will ever forgive some of her off-spring for totally disregarding her wishes – plainly stated to all who would listen, but never written down.
Where is that Hills of Rest place? Sounds nicer than either cremation or burial.